Oh No, You’ve Hit A Wall
Validation is a fuel that runs out
“It is not the mountain we conquer but ourselves.” – Sir Edmund Hillary
Even the highest performing, most insecure overachiever hits a quiet, soul-stretching wall sometime in their career. Where progress stalls, and the calendar fills with thankless tasks.
If you’re someone who can’t enjoy the view from the mountaintop because your mind is already on the next peak, maybe it’s time to reconsider what work is really for? Replacing the need for validation with something else might be your way out.
But what could replace validation for an insecure overachiever?
Happy with your progress? Instead, maybe you’re dealing with:
A micromanager: Dealing with a boss who is watching your every move.
Being overshadowed: Fighting back when someone else is stealing the spotlight.
Envy in the workplace: Conquering the tendency to envy others' success.
SEEKER: I’ve always been ahead. The youngest to make manager. Always praised. Always producing. But lately… I feel like I’ve slowed down. And I’m spinning wheels. The work feels detached from anything that will push me forward. I’m not sure what I’m working toward anymore. My momentum is gone.
SAGE: Ah. The curse of the insecure overachiever.
SEEKER: You make it sound like a diagnosis.
SAGE: It is. You’ve been running on validation. Approval. The thrill of promotion. External carrots. And now that they’re no longer new or forthcoming, your engine’s stalled. Classic insecure overachiever syndrome. Tell me, who are you trying to impress?
SEEKER: Truthfully? Everyone. An invisible audience.
SAGE: The root of your problem is not the work, it’s your mistaken goal. You’re aiming to be special. Irreplaceable. But life, especially modern work, isn’t a solo performance. It’s an orchestra. You don’t need to be a soloist to make music.
SEEKER: But I want to feel like my work matters and I’m going somewhere.
SAGE: That’s a fine desire. But are you really seeking meaning, or are you seeking validation? Do you want to contribute, or be praised for your contribution?
SEEKER: Is praise so wrong?
SAGE: It’s not wrong. It’s just... exhausting. Some people argue that our greatest need isn’t self-esteem but social interest. The sense that we’re contributing to something beyond ourselves. It seems you’re chasing individual achievement when what will really satisfy you is a shared purpose.
SEEKER: Easy to say. But when I look at my calendar, it’s just meetings and reports, meetings and reports. I don’t see “shared purpose” anywhere in there.
SAGE: Because you’re looking at tasks, not relationships. You mistake activity for meaning. Yet meaning is made in relation to others. Every report you write helps a teammate make a decision. Every boring meeting is a step needed to align a group. Your work contributes, even if it’s not glamorous or directly leading to progression.
SEEKER: But it feels so... trivial.
SAGE: Then make it less so. Choose to see your work not as a performance, but as service. Show up fully. Do what is needed. Trust that the bigger picture emerges from consistent, sometimes quiet, effort.
SEEKER: But I want to grow. Progress. Do something important.
SAGE: Listen, growth isn’t linear. You can’t always be sprinting uphill. Sometimes you’re laying bricks. Sometimes you're sharpening tools. Sometimes you need to slow play your hand.
SEEKER: It feels like you’re saying I should just settle?
SAGE: No. Not at all. You should participate. Fully. Without demanding that every moment feel profound. The need to always feel important is itself a form of entitlement. You don’t need your work to be a source of validation. You just need to be useful.
SEEKER: This all feels... harsh.
SAGE: I’d say honest. We’ve told a generation they must “love what they do” and “hustle your way to the top.” And they must be doing it all the time. So now they feel like failures if they aren’t constantly rising. But sometimes the most meaningful time in your career is when the work is quiet, steady, and yes, a bit of a grind.
SEEKER: So I just focus on contributing?
SAGE: Exactly. Contribution is how you regain your footing. Focus on who benefits from your work, not how your work is perceived.
SEEKER: And that’s enough?
SAGE: It’s more than enough. In the work you’re doing this week, ask yourself, who benefits and what changes if you show up not to be impressive, but to be as useful as possible?
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