Envy Is The Enemy
Envy is a signal, not a sentence
“Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.” – Nelson Mandela
The people who are happiest at work don’t think in relative terms. They don’t measure themselves against others. They measure themselves against their own progress. And when you detach your happiness from others’ outcomes, you become untouchable. But it’s hard.
We often get pulled into the comparison game. LinkedIn is the worst for this. But work gets better when you can cheer for others without feeling lesser. This conversation will give you reframe how you think about others success, and start putting envy in the rear view.
Already running your own race? Instead, maybe you’re dealing with:
A micromanager: Dealing with a boss who is watching your every move.
Lack of feedback: Not knowing where you stand or how to improve.
Professional development: No opportunities for learning or skill-building.
SEEKER: Last week, I saw an old colleague on LinkedIn with a new job, big title, and endless praise in the comments. I felt my stomach twist. I told myself I should be happy for them, but all I could think was: Why not me? What did they do that I didn’t? It ate at me all day. How do I escape this?
SAGE: Tell me, when you feel envy, what do you think it says about you?
SEEKER: It says I’m not enough. That I’m lacking something they have. Talent, luck, whatever it is. I hate feeling this way, but I can’t stop.
SAGE: I see. You’re measuring yourself against them. Do you think this comparison is inevitable, something we’re doomed to do?
SEEKER: Isn’t it? We live in a world of rankings… wealth, status, achievements. How can I not compare?
SAGE: A fair question. Perhaps comparison isn’t the problem, it’s the meaning you give it. What if we’re not bound by what others have or do. Envy is a sign you’re living in a “vertical” mindset. What do you think that might mean?
SEEKER: Vertical… like a ladder? Where some are above and others below?
SAGE: Exactly. We often see life as a hierarchy. Someone’s always “better” or “worse.” But taking a “horizontal” view we imagine people not above or below us, but beside us, each on our own path. Does that shift anything for you?
SEEKER: It sounds nice, but I don’t feel it. When my friend gets promoted and I don’t, he’s ahead. That’s real, not just a mindset.
SAGE: Even if we embrace a horizontal view, the pain of seeing others succeed can linger. But what if that pain isn’t a sign of our inferiority? What if it’s a clue? Could it point not to their success, but to something unresolved in your own path?
SEEKER: Umm… possibly.
SAGE: Well let’s explore it. Is your friend’s promotion truly about you? Does it diminish your worth, or is it his story, separate from yours?
SEEKER: It’s his story, sure, but it stings because I wanted that too. I feel stuck while he moves forward.
SAGE: I hear you. But what if that sting comes from a story you tell yourself to avoid your own tasks. What task might you be dodging by focusing on his success?
SEEKER: Task? You mean work? I’m trying my best!
SAGE: Not just work, your task of living. Life is a series of personal challenges we each must face, not in competition, but for our own growth. Envy might be a distraction from asking: What’s my next step? What can I create?
SEEKER: So you’re saying I’m choosing envy to avoid… but avoid what? Taking responsibility for myself?
SAGE: Yes, if you try and fail you’ll learn that you’re not capable. If you don’t try, you can always convince yourself that you are capable. What do you think? If you weren’t looking at your friend’s path, where might your eyes turn?
SEEKER: Maybe to what I could do. But what if I fail? What if I’m not as good as him?
SAGE: So what if you fail? Failure isn’t a measure of worth, it’s a moment that passes. Sure envy keeps you safe from that risk, but also from growth. You’ll learn more about your capabilities and be able to move on, rather than being stuck. Could you bear to let go of being “the best” and just be you?
SEEKER: It’s hard. I want to be special, not ordinary.
SAGE: And there’s the trap. Some believe true freedom comes when we accept our “ordinariness.” Not as defeat, but as liberation. No need to prove anything to anyone. If you weren’t chasing “specialness,” what might you do instead?
SEEKER: I… I might put my efforts into building my career. Not to go down the same path as my friend, but to work on problems I enjoy solving. Not to beat anyone, but because I enjoy it, and because I’ll be working on something I’m good at, and enjoy.
SAGE: Beautiful. That’s called contribution. You live your task, not your work friends. Not anyone else’s. Envy fades when you see your worth isn’t tied to others, it’s in what you give. How does that feel?
SEEKER: Scary, but lighter. Like I could start doing things my way. On my own path.
SAGE: Those are your first steps. Envy is a signal, not a sentence. Next time you start comparing yourself to others, imagine your 80-year-old self shaking their head: would they tell you to waste your time on envy, or use it to build the career you really want?
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